Thoughts On Exodus 2009

It has been roughly two weeks since I have returned from the annual Exodus Freedom conference. This year it was held at Wheaton College in Illinois. Some thoughts:

One of my favorite things about the Exodus Conference this year was being able to hang out with the youth from the Living Hope Youth Forums. (www.forums.livehope.org) Living Hope is a ministry based out of the Dallas/Ft. Worth Tx area that ministers to people coming out of homosexuality. Though the minister to all ages, it is a beautiful thing to see how God is ministering to youth in particular through that ministry.

I fell in with them my first year at Exodus in 2004. All the youth were in a large room and Scott Davis said "This half come with me, This half go with Ricky" I was with the half that went with Ricky, though I do remember some people on my side went with Scott and some on the other side came with Ricky... so perhaps I just wasn't paying attention. It worked to my benefit though. That year I met about 20 youth my age who were coming out of homosexuality. They loved Jesus and were passionately pursuing him. They were laying down everything just for the pleasure of knowing Him more. I came to my first Exodus conference a very disillusioned, angry 19 year old, and they were instrumental in giving me hope. After my first conference I came home, signed on to the forums and shared my heart. Finally, there were people my age on the same journey as me.

Five years later I get to hang out with them again at my fourth Exodus. Some of the people that were there my first year are still holding strong. I have never met a group of people so vulnerable, so open to love and so bold in their pursuit of holiness. They are some of my role models. In a world that would force us to hide the messy parts of our lives... they boldly live open vulnerable lives. If all I get to do at Exodus is hang out with them... its well worth it.

Another highlight for me was that I was asked to facilitate a table discussion with the youth this year. It is nothing of too much noteriety, but I took it seriously. I didn't see myself as just facilitating a discussion... I saw myself as mentoring these five young men for the duration of the week. It was a surreal experience because all week I was reminded of myself at my first Exodus. As I mentioned before, I was a completely different person that July of 2004. I had given up all hope of finding freedom from homosexuality. I was just recently ending a "fling" I had with a friend that was the most tumultuous relationship I'd ever experienced. I was depressed and above all believed I was abandonned by God. I didn't want to go to my first Exodus, but rather some donors paid for me to go. I was going to give God one last chance. For the first couple of days, I thought everyone was crazy. I thought they were lying to themselves, but slowly hope crept in. And as I met more and more men and women who were walking successfully for 20-30 years some married with kids, I thought "wow, this is possible" and more importantly they taught me that God very much does love me.

It was so surreal to know the person I was in 2004, and yet understand that I was given the responsibility of pouring into these men. It was so beautiful to see God meet each and every one of them through the week.

On the first night, protestors showed up. The chapel was right on the edge of campus, and so the protestors needed only to stand across the street and shout to be heard. While inside we could hear the protestors shouting their chants about homophobia to us. And yet, Alan spoke only love about them in his message that night. If only they knew that they are loved. What a difference would it make?